The Snoodle Contract
by Gerry Burke
reviewed by Joe Kilgore
“He was keen to recover his convertible and have the upholstery and trunk steam cleaned. The smell of dead bodies can reduce resale value.”
The satire starts early as you quickly learn of the President of the United States recent performance on Dancing with the Stars. Then you’re whisked to Las Vegas where covert agents are holding a convention and everyone in attendance has the same surname—Smith. Thus begins a certifiably wild send-up of political thrillers.
An insidious assassination attempt is being plotted, and a wisecracking shamus from Australia winds up neck-deep in efforts to thwart it. Sinister forces are at work to kill the U S President. Assassins from around the world are recruited and a triple-threat plan put in place. In Houston, suicidal tank truck drivers prepare an explosively warm welcome. On Martha’s Vineyard, a golf game is planned with one hell of a handicap. At Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry, a show-stopper is scripted to stop more than the show.
Will President Snoodle survive? Will the Aussie gumshoe save the day? Hang on for mayhem and unbridled mischievousness. No tradition, convention, or sacred cow is safe from author Burke’s joke-filled pen. He blasts political correctness and bakes it in a bottomless pit of never ending gags, quips, and puns. His characters are classic archetypes taken to elephantine excess. He even inserts real people into his fevered foolery. George Bush, Katie Couric, Danny DiVito, and more appear for their share of celebrity skewering.
A complex plot peopled with multiple participants may cause you to slow your pace as you navigate Burke’s tsunami of silliness, but if you’re not easily offended and enjoy ribald riffs on political posturing, spy spoofs, and more, this is the novel your funny bone’s been looking for.
Britain has voted; so has Australia. Neither called on Paddy Pest for help and look at the turmoil that has evolved. Donald Trump goes into the U.S. elections as the presumptive Republican candidate and has completely ignored the man who can do anything. Wasn’t it Paddy who saved Republican president, Gus Snoodle, from a fate worse than death (four times)? What about France’s dilemma when some cretin tried to poison their garlic crop with Vegemite? It was Paddy who stepped up to the plate. Need I mention the poisoned strawberries at Wimbledon or the theft of the Elgin Marbles from the British Museum?
The man is across all nefarious plots and politics is the greatest plot of all time. He made short work of that lunatic from Laredo and, in his latest potboiler, The Snoodle Contract, the man moved around Washington with a swagger that was irresistible to all the movers and shakers. So, Donald; if you don’t want to lose your trousers, get with the fellow who knows what that’s all about. Certainly, you could only improve your female vote with Paddy onside. In fact, if you haven’t committed to a running mate, you could do worse than turn to the garrulous gumshoe from Down-Under. Vice President Paddy Pest….now that sounds pretty good.
I don’t know but I can tell you that they stampeded onto the internet to check out my blog during April and my gratitude knows no boundaries. We here at Paddy Pest Central don’t care whether our book sales involve dollars, drachma or Brazilian real. My bookie usually ends up with all my funds, anyway.
Another interesting aspect of recent retail activity has been the spike in E Book sales of “The Lady on the Train,” which I wrote some years ago. I put this down to mistaken identity as 2015 saw the New York Times nominate a book called ‘The Girl on the Train” as their No. 1 bestseller. I expect I will now have a few more fans or else the NY Times will be receiving some nasty letters from disgruntled readers.
With the advent of the presidential elections in America, “The Snoodle Contract” will become more relevant as the days go by and comparisons will obviously be made between my Republican president, Gus Snoodle, and Donald Trump, a prospective nominee. I would like to state, here and now, that I don’t condone assassination and there is no point looking up assassination.com on the internet because it is a figment of my imagination.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a Republican or a Democrat in Washington, a Social Democrat in Brasilia or a Liberal in Canberra, you will get something out of this book. Hopefully, a few laughs and, certainly, some valuable tips on how to murder your incumbent political leader. In the meantime, I can’t get to Rio to meet my fans but we are sending some young Aussies over, later in the year. They are all good sports, so please give them a warm welcome.
The president and the terrorist!
It is true. I like to secrete a bit of flesh amidst the torrent of words that leave my readers breathless with expectation and anticipation. Saffron Splendido is just that and what can you say about Svetlana Barovsky; beautiful but brutal?
Nadia Nickoff and Gregoria Killanova both have a license to kill and it is shocking what they can do in their stockings. Andrea Lees is an all-American girl and everyone loves one of those. So much so, that I decided to include Angelina Jolie in the yarn, and I know she won’t regret one minute of her cameo appearance.
Having said all this, I don’t want you to think there aren’t any good-looking studs in this potboiler. Paddy Pest is a given but when you throw in Manfred Knuth, Jack Rice and President Gus Snoodle, this tale is a smorgasbord of beefcake and honey lamb.
Of course, you can’t please everyone but I like to try. That’s why the plot has room for a psychopath, a lesbian, a transsexual and a dwarf. Have you ordered your copy yet
This means they are taking orders online. iUniverse is up and running and Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Goodreads will follow. Just click on the side-bar cover and you will be transferred to the ordering page.
You will probably need to act fast because I firmly believe the CIA will want to kill this particular page-turner, as well as the author. I have already secretly sourced a safe house in the Caribbean. If Jamaica was good enough for Ian Fleming, it should do for Paddy Pest, who is about to go into semi-retirement; for no other reason than he is getting too big for his boots—the weasel.
Meanwhile, here is a gratuitous shot of his new glamor partner, Saffron Splendido, whose romance with White House Deputy Chief of Staff, Jack Rice, has tongues wagging. If they ever do tie the knot, we all hope she is ready to embrace her new surname. I am also including a pic of Merle, because I know many of my readers are music lovers. Visuals of my other characters can be found on the gallery page.
I don’t know how many books you have to sell to get a street named after you. Perhaps there was confusion as there is a Gerry Burke who owns an Irish pub in Boston, where the above pic was taken. There has been further confusion initiated by some Amazon fans, who are under the misapprehension that Paddy Pest is Hungarian. I can assure them that Paddy is not the pest in Budapest, but he can be a pain sometimes. In his latest adventure, he explains that he is one of the Irish Pests and they don’t bother anyone.
Well, I can put that little furphy to rest. In his latest potboiler, the Hero of Hucklebuck Drive, Paddy sticks his beak into everybody’s business and it is amazing what he finds. I believe if you purchase this thrilling page turner, you’ll be amazed at what good value it is. I’ve ramped-up the number of murders and unspeakable acts and there’s enough blood flowing to suit everyone, although I wouldn’t let the youngsters read it unless the lights were on. I’d like to think everyone will be afraid of the dark with this one.
Mainstream & Independent Titles Score Top Honors
in the 12th Annual USA Best Book Awards
Random House, Tarcher/Penguin, HarperOne, WW Norton, Harper Collins, William Morrow, Crown Business, McGraw-Hill, John Wiley & Sons, American Cancer Society, The White House Historical Association and hundreds of Independent Houses contribute to this year’s Outstanding Competition!
Paddy has done it again and I can’t take any of the credit. He wrote the story himself. Well, he at least recounted his version of certain events and I transcribed them for posterity. I thought The Hero of Hucklebuck Drive might be a little weird for the Americans but the judges, in my opinion, proved to be excellent literary critics, as they should be. Don’t get a swelled head, Paddy. You’re already in the gun for leaving Stormy out of your next novel. She needs the royalties.
5 out of 5 stars for The Hero of Hucklebuck Drive by Gerry Burke.
The review by Joe Kilgore is reprinted under the book section of this blog and I am grateful for the “recommendation” citation from such a respected journal. Paddy manages to ingratiate himself with all kinds of people, but mostly women. It is therefore encouraging that this review was conducted by a male member of the human race; obviously a regular Joe.
It may surprise some people that I rarely include an Aussie review on my blog. This is because the Australian media (and booksellers in general) prefer to ignore self published authors. This is why Paddy spends so much time overseas. Although the above yarn is local, the discount detective travels to America for the next pot boiler and although they may slap him in irons, isolate their women from his influence and revoke his visa, he will prevail in the nicest possible way. I look forward to reading your comments.
Yes, Paddy is to return in another enthralling mystery that will knock your socks off. This time, he is going to save America and not before time. I know you are going to ask “who are his protagonists and will he have a nice bit of crumpet as his wing person?”
Darn tootin’ he will. Her name is Saffron Splendido and she is on loan from the CIA. Patrick Pesticide needs all the help he can get to protect the president, Gus Snoodle, in one of the most outrageous conspiracies ever put to paper. I’m expecting to receive the Congressional Medal of Honor for this one.
A welcome return to the Paddy Pest pages is glam double agent Gregoria Killanova and even the minx from Minsk, Nadia Nickoff gets a look in. It’s all there and more. I’ll keep you posted in the next few months. A late December release is expected and will be eagerly anticipated.